Scooby Dooby Doo: The Greatest (Faux) Ghost Chaser

When I was kid, my mom always let me watch Scooby Doo, a show that is older than all of this time traveling. She told me that it has been a family tradition to watch the show, and I have to say, I loved and still love every moment of it. I try not to tell people this because most consider a show like Scooby Doo to be elementary for the times. That may be so, but that changes nothing.

As I look back and wonder where this all began, I now understand that one dog changed my life. Here I am, all grown up and chasing ghosts through time. I woke up this morning and thought, “What I am doing is unreal!” Well, it’s real, and I am hearing news that the public may have discovered our efforts.

Believe it or not, but it sounds like some janitor traveling through time saw us running after the enemy, and has started to speak up to random people in time. A janitor? I mean, c’mon. I’ve been waiting for a duel with those Time Fighters, but not a janitor. Regardless, we’re not shutting our doors until we become ghosts through time ourselves.

I’ve been hearing a lot about a case regarding 9/11 that Organization X is evaluating. I just want to say that any change to any large-scale event will have a drastic effect on my job. That is one ripple effect I do not want to live. And you wonder why I don’t vote.

Whoa! Now that was way off track for what I was talking about. After trekking through a portal in quadrant XVIIM, our team wound up in 1974, which is one of the weirdest times ever. Ever heard of bell-bottoms? Don’t bother looking them up. Seriously, don’t.

The ghost we were chasing looked to be in a female in her mid-20s,
and my guess was that she wanted to spoil the party before the party spoiled her. We found her wandering around some college dorm in a state called Utah. And then we saw her again, sitting 30 feet away. This is truly unbelievable.

This ghost wanted to kill herself. I’ve seen some crazy shit, but never a ghost trying to kill their earlier self. I told Anna to go talk to her. Anna looked at me like I was nuts. What can I say to calm a chick down? I can’t even keep a girlfriend. I would probably push the ghost to do the deed faster.



So what does Anna do? She jumps back into the fog portal and tells me to screw off. Whatever. Jerry and I were almost about to watch and see what happens, but Anna jumps back with the grappler, nabs the ghost, and we head out.

It doesn’t matter how it ended because, really, what if the ghost had killed herself? I mean, I’m no ghost, but that’s like killing two lives. Wouldn’t be easier to just go relax and disco somewhere instead?

Time Tourists + Time Fighters = Time Trouble

Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m full of myself, but there is a reason why we are considered to be an elite team. Nobody knows about us, and nobody needs to know about us. I would't even be surprised if most of our global leaders don’t know of our existence. Despite such anonymity, we still strive to keep time safe, one ghost at a time (period).

With that said, one of the most difficult parts of working a covert job is doing it, well, covertly. With more and more applicants for time travel visas, or even several time travel tour companies, Jerry, Anna, and I are finding that doing our job without being seen is extremely difficult. The same goes for Time Fighters; they are pretty cool, I guess, but I’d much rather be fighting ghosts than giving out tickets. Where’s the excitement in that?

This last trip into the fog took us to one of my favorite cities: San Francisco. I’m a sucker for tourist trips, but who isn’t, right? Don’t tell me you haven’t walked the Golden Gate Bridge, or at least 1/100 of it since it was expanded in 2045. At any rate, we jumped through the fog and found ourselves in 1989. Not just any day in 1989, but October 17, 1989. For those historians out there, this was the day of the major earthquake that rattled the World (yeah, right!) Series.

As we’re looking for some grisly old ghost, we end up running into trouble: Pacific Time Travel is taking a tour, and their “Great Deal” for today is the San Francisco Earthquake. You’d think that this wouldn’t be a problem, right? Well, us time travelers seem to stick out from the locals. It’s not like we have big noses, except in Jerry’s case.

We’re walking around the stadium, looking for the ghost, when Pacific Time Travel comes up behind us and starts trying to flag us down. Seeing as how we’re an elite team, we take off running. One, I may be a sucker for tourist traps, but I hate tourists. “Oh, can you take a picture of us?” “What’s that?” “How do you get to --“ How about using a timer, buying a good tour book, and looking at a map? Look at that, problem solved.

As we’re running, a glimmer catches my eye. Several officers are spaced out around the stadium and the tour. Not only are time tourists following us, but there are Time Fighters here, right now! I’m a gambling man, and these odds are just not in my favor. And that’s when I realize there’s something else going on. I have three guesses:

A) There’s a VIP on the tour
B) Someone’s up to no good on the tour
C) I have no idea

My vote’s for C, and that’s ourcue to get out of here. Forget the ghost, forget the mission, and forget the tourists. Some Time Fighter dweeb sees us running, and starts putting the word out to his buddies. As much as we prefer the fog, we used our DATTs for a quick getaway. With all the side effects that come with DATT, who wouldn’t want to walk through some fog?

You may be thinking that I can’t just let a ghost get away because that affects the future, right? Well, I’m still here, aren’t I? My guess is that the ghost was in 1989 trying to help someone, which is possible. I mean, he wasn’t there to cause any more damage than an earthquake, right? Or maybe he was and we’re all doomed. Either way, whatever.

Blowing through Time

What I’m about to tell you could cost me some of the privileges I’ve earned working for the USE. As a supporter of all that happened, happened, Jerry, Anna, and I strive to ensure that the ghosts among us don’t ruin life as we know it. If humans have to go up against Organization X, then why shouldn’t ghosts, right? That’s because people still won’t accept or acknowledge their presence, and it’s pathetic. And yet most don’t have problems with vampires among us. Explain that one to me.

If there’s one thing I hate about traveling through time, it’s about going back to 2011. That’s right, the year before it all happened. But of course, Quadrant MMXII (the one in the big red circle) was off the charts tonight. Well, tonight was our lucky night. One of the original AGN members who planned on traveling through time to blow up the Globapoly HQ in New Amsterdam accidentally blew himself up midway through time. You’d think this would have a terrible aftereffect on time travel, but no. In any case, we found this ghost preparing for a jump back to 2011, presumably to try to complete his mission (again).


So why do I hate going back to 2011? Because it’s before all the pandemonium and catastrophic events even happened. That doesn’t sound so bad, until you realize how naïve people really are. Sometimes, those Time Fighters have it really easy. Another issue with going to 2011 is that, for one reason or another, our DATTs seem to have trouble working properly around this time. Remind me to get mine taken out. It makes me itch, anyways.

Jerry and I stop for a cup of 2011 coffee, which tastes so much better without volcanic ash, when Anna rushes over freaking out. Seems our ticking time bomb is floating around the building. The trick to a ghost like this one is to make him combust before the bomb detonates. I won’t bore you with the gruesome details, but we managed to lure the sucker away from the building and near the fog of patch we rolled in on until our PATTs started freaking out. We saw the fog starting to close. The ghost saw it too. And as much as ghosts like to cause trouble, this dude knows life sucks in 2011.

This right here is a fog portal. Looks freaky, and it's even freakier to travel through. We all bolt for it, watching it dwindle into oblivion. Usually we get at least a day to roam around, but the minimum 72 minute window baffled us all. You may be wondering why I would say I may lose some of my privileges. Well, as much as I support the USE, I believe that the AGN is here for a reason. To some this is outrageous; but to someone whose parents were killed for their beliefs, I think I have a right to fight for what I believe in, too. Which is why I let this ghost live to tell another day. He was in the right place, it’s too bad it was just the wrong time.

The Toilet's Clogged

This was our closest call yet. Jerry, the smartass that he is, tried to actually call for the ghost as if it were some kind of pet. Jerry’s lucky the flash bomb went off and spooked the ghost away, so to speak. Here’s how it went down:

We noticed the meter in Quadrant XI peaking at 1800 hours. Not unusual, what with the fog rolling in and all. That all changed when the meter actually broke. Anna began working to tap into the ghost activity to determine where it was heading. She gets to have all the fun.

After heading to the edge of the fog, Jerry decided to go ahead and jump in. He didn’t even ask us to go first. But why would he? And he wonders why he never gets past first base.

Without hesitation, Anna leaps into the fog. What other choice do I have? Well, had I known what was on the other side, maybe I would’ve opted for no choice at all. We found ourselves staring eyes-to-ghost with one of the meanest, creepiest, ugliest pieces of afterlife I have ever seen.

Rather than back away slowly like any sane person would do, Anna offered to help this spirit. This is why we broke up. If it weren’t for the money we get for our line of work, I would stay in one time period. I don’t even know why I stayed in this business after the first week.

So Anna says in her sweet voice, “We are here to help you.” I never believed Anna was a communicator, but that girl is full of surprises. Believe it or not, but Anna got something out of this lifeless creature.

I also never get the full story, but this ghost was talking about drinking from a toilet and dying because of his boss’s foul leftovers. Not sure. All I know is that this ghost has a vendetta that won’t be resolved on my watch.

Jerry jumps out from around a corner, screaming as if it were his last breath. The ghost throws Anna against a wall and turns for Jerry.

I could’ve let him die. Or better yet, let the ghost drown him in a toilet bowl, but no. I have to be the nice guy of the group. So I scream louder than Jerry. Jerry chucks the flash bomb. Unfortunately, he chucked it so hard I get knocked out. Next thing I know, we’re back in 2088, and the containment box is full for the day.

Thanks for another great day, Jerry. Same time, different year tomorrow, eh?